So last weekend while I was working on some sprinkler heads in the backyard I got bit on my right thumb by something. I didn't even feel it at first but as the week has gone on my thumb has become swollen, there's obviously an infection and it looks gross. Oh yea, AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL!!!! So I go to my doctor today, who I really like, and he says, "yep, something bit you. Take these pills and by the end of the weekend you should notice a big improvement." And with that he was off after spending 2 minutes and 17 seconds with me. In fact he left so fast I looked out the window to see if the building was on fire! END OF THE WEEKEND??? What part of "I was bite by a rare spider called The Slow, Painful, Agonizing Death Spider" did he not hear??? I need immediate relief. It's a miracle I'm able to still stand and speak. My life passed by my eyes twice, and I'm a slow passer. Wait, scratch that passer part. My point is I didn't go looking for relief eventually, I went looking for relief NOW. Have you tried zipping your pants without a thumb? I've been to HR three times this week. Diane says this is why men don't have babies, the pain would kill is. I say it's because my womb is full of Cheetos and Skittles. Anyway, please keep my thumb in your prayers. The doctor said my thumbnail will fall off eventually. I already have the 9 and a 1 dialed just in case.